Hello everyone. It's been a while since I've updated my blog -- about a month and a half -- so here goes. For the most part my blog posts have been pretty good and upbeat, but this time I'm going to talk about a few serious issues I'm dealing with. Don't worry, I'm not regretting my decision, just somethings I'm going through. Remember, when I first started this blog, my goal was to be upfront and honest about what I'm going through with my readers/followers.
As many of you know, my decision to have weight loss surgery and to actually go through with the procedure was a long process. Growing up, I was always the little chubby kid that was running around and keeping up with my friends. For some of you who knew me as a child I dealt with some self-esteem issues. Around the age of 20 ... maybe 21 ... I had reached the point in my life where I accepted things. I accepted the fact that I was going to be a big guy for the rest of my life. For once I was happy with my life and where things were going. (Allow my to go off course for a second or two... I had the surgery for health reasons, type 2 diabetes. I didn't have the surgery to get skinny or be more appealing to others.) After I getting my surgery approved I just figured my life would only get better ... remember I was at a point to where I was happy with things. But, I'm dealing with an ugly demon ... one I WASN'T expecting to rear its ugly head. SELF-ESTEEM!
This may sound crazy, but now, to a certain point, I'm dealing with self-esteem issues again. I hear a lot of people tell me that I look great, nice and all that stuff, but I just don't see it. Most of the time, I put up a good front b/c I think that's what people expect, but it's tough. Remember, I had accepted the fact that I was going to be the "old" Maestro ... sorry Travis ... (my entire family and childhood friends call me Maestro) the big guy, more than likely single for ever. I made peace with that and was ready to live my life to the best of my ability. Now, when I pass by the mirror or see pictures of myself, I feel uncomfortable with what I see staring back at me (in the mirror) or the person posing in the picture. I don't see the handsome, good looking guy people say I am.
Is that crazy or what? I'm not exactly sure how to handle it. I didn't think it would be so hard to accept the "new" me. I guess it's just a part of the process. I'm sure things will get better.
I didn't write this post to get people to feel sorry for me, but I just wanted to get it off my chest.
That's it. To quote my good friend Sherry Williams. Good Night Friends & Neighbors.
Well Maestro (lol), first let me say you look great my brother. I remember the last time I was at the station I'd told you that I almost didn't recognize you and you thought I was just gassing you up but I wasn't. I think everyone, including myself, struggles w/ self-esteem issues but I also think it's just one of those things that we have to learn to live with. I'll wrap it up by saying, you do look great and you should be excited about it. I know it's easier said than done but I'm sure you'll be ok, I'll be praying for you my brother.
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