Hello everyone. It's been a while since I've updated my blog -- about a month and a half -- so here goes. For the most part my blog posts have been pretty good and upbeat, but this time I'm going to talk about a few serious issues I'm dealing with. Don't worry, I'm not regretting my decision, just somethings I'm going through. Remember, when I first started this blog, my goal was to be upfront and honest about what I'm going through with my readers/followers.
As many of you know, my decision to have weight loss surgery and to actually go through with the procedure was a long process. Growing up, I was always the little chubby kid that was running around and keeping up with my friends. For some of you who knew me as a child I dealt with some self-esteem issues. Around the age of 20 ... maybe 21 ... I had reached the point in my life where I accepted things. I accepted the fact that I was going to be a big guy for the rest of my life. For once I was happy with my life and where things were going. (Allow my to go off course for a second or two... I had the surgery for health reasons, type 2 diabetes. I didn't have the surgery to get skinny or be more appealing to others.) After I getting my surgery approved I just figured my life would only get better ... remember I was at a point to where I was happy with things. But, I'm dealing with an ugly demon ... one I WASN'T expecting to rear its ugly head. SELF-ESTEEM!
This may sound crazy, but now, to a certain point, I'm dealing with self-esteem issues again. I hear a lot of people tell me that I look great, nice and all that stuff, but I just don't see it. Most of the time, I put up a good front b/c I think that's what people expect, but it's tough. Remember, I had accepted the fact that I was going to be the "old" Maestro ... sorry Travis ... (my entire family and childhood friends call me Maestro) the big guy, more than likely single for ever. I made peace with that and was ready to live my life to the best of my ability. Now, when I pass by the mirror or see pictures of myself, I feel uncomfortable with what I see staring back at me (in the mirror) or the person posing in the picture. I don't see the handsome, good looking guy people say I am.
Is that crazy or what? I'm not exactly sure how to handle it. I didn't think it would be so hard to accept the "new" me. I guess it's just a part of the process. I'm sure things will get better.
I didn't write this post to get people to feel sorry for me, but I just wanted to get it off my chest.
That's it. To quote my good friend Sherry Williams. Good Night Friends & Neighbors.
